Long Cool Woman
by James Douglas
Summary: Saturday Night Downtown for the Crew.


Long, Cool Woman  
  
Disclaimer – I do not own either "Cowboy Bebop" or the Hollies' "Long cool woman (In A Black Dress)." I just thought they would go good together. Comments and complain should be directed to the review section.  
  
Saturday night I was downtown  
  
Working for the FBI  
  
Drifting smoke lingers over the dank pool hall. The dying light from ancient halogens lights the faded green felt of the table. Off in the corner, a small light from an 89-cent lighter highlight the calm features of Spike Spiegel. He takes a long drag from the cigarette as Jet takes his shot and scratches. The green-haired lunkhead chuckles to himself as he places the smoldering butt on an ashtray and lines up his shot.  
  
Across the table, the burly Black takes a long sip of whiskey as the final striped ball falls in the corner pocket. He groans and slams down 12 woolongs into the thin felt. Spike glances over towards the bar as he picks up his winnings.  
  
Sitting in a nest of bad men  
  
Whisky bottles piling high  
  
Bootlegging boozer on the west side  
  
1 Full of people who are doing wrong  
  
"They're all still there?" Black growls.  
  
Spike lets loose a barely audible "un-huh" as he pockets the 12-woolongs. He takes another puff from the stub and blows the exhaust into the piling collection suspended over the hall. Spike glances over to his partner and asked again for the amount of bounty if they catch them all.  
  
"800,000 woolongs" Jet answers, "enough to keep us in food and fuel for months."  
  
"800,00?" Spike mused, "why are they so hot on catching these guys?"  
  
"Why do you care?" snaps Jet, "It's free money; it's the bodyguards we should be worried about."  
  
Spike glances back over to the bar and eyes the hulking guards eying the place from behind their black glasses, itching the stocks of their guns underneath their coats. Stewed bosses rock atop their stools in their drunken stupor.  
  
Spike turns back and racks the balls again.  
  
"And all we have to do is call the police and hold these guys till they get here?"  
  
"Like I said Spike," Jet assured, "It's easy money."  
  
Letting out a deep sigh, "Yea right."  
  
Jet briefly glances over to the bar and takes another shot before breaking the balls. As Spike takes his turn, Jett calls the Bebop to check on Ed.  
  
"Helloooooo Dolly," Ed screams over the phone.  
  
"Ed," Jet said, "are the cars rigged?"  
  
"Cars ready to be buzzed, Super Ein woof-woof helped place the 'evil' virus."  
  
Ed holds up Ein who is sporting the cover from Faye Valentine's old headband with cutout eyeholes and a piece from one of Spike's blue jacket tied around his neck.  
  
"Okay..."  
  
"Okay, I love you, bye-bye."  
  
Just about to call up the DA man  
  
Jet places the communicator back into his pocket and takes another shot before waddling off to call the local police. Spike dutiful cleans up the table when an old man totters up to the table.  
  
"Mind if I play?"  
  
"Whatever."  
  
Spike sinks the last ball and re-racks them as one of the bartenders takes the tiny stage towards the front door. The bosses and guards saunter over towards the tables around the stage. Spike jesters for the old man to take the first shot. Spike takes a sip of his drink before turning towards his attention to the stage where a young woman stands timidly in front of the mike. His jaw crashes to the ground when he realized who it was.  
  
When I heard this woman singing this song  
  
He watches, dumbfounded, as Faye clears her throat and smoothes out some of the wrinkles from the midnight black satin dress that hugged her gentle curves like her tiny bathrobe does right after getting out of the shower. Off in the background, he began to hear a song that was hauntingly familiar to him.  
  
A pair of 45's made me open my eyes  
  
My temperature started to rise  
  
She was a long cool woman in a black dress  
  
Just a 5-9 beautiful tall  
  
With just one look I was a bad mess  
  
2 'Cos that long cool woman had it all  
  
The old man waddles over towards the petrified Spike and pats him gently on the shoulder. Spike snaps out of his daze and returns to the other side of the table. The old man glances back at the stage before turning back to Spike.  
  
I saw her heading to the table  
  
Well a tall walking big black cat  
  
When Charlie said that I hope that you're able boy  
  
Well I'm telling you she knows where it's at  
  
"She's something ain't she?" the old man croaks.  
  
"Yea," Spike mutters, "a pain the ass."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Spike just waves him off as sets up his shot. The old man leans against the cue and watches as Faye playfully circles around one of the tables. Spike glances up to see her casually takes-off the black, silken shawl from her ivory shoulders and gently wraps the material around one of the boss's portly neck.  
  
She swaggers back to the tiny stage, swinging the microphone by the cord while glancing directly at Spike. As she walks back up the stairs, she gives a little wink right as the instrumental solo draws to an end. Just then, the low wail of a siren drowns out the last few seconds of the guitar solo.  
  
"Shit…"  
  
Well then suddenly we heard a siren  
  
And everyone started to run  
  
Jumping out of doors and tables  
  
Well I heard somebody shooting a gun  
  
The bosses began to dart around the bar as the other patrons began running out the backdoor and shoving others into the walls. The heavy rattle of the guards' semi-autos drones out the squeal of the fleeing crowds as they splash the walls of the bar in broad strokes. Spike shoves the old man behind the neighboring table as he draws his gun and takes out the closest guard. From behind the fragile stage, Faye covers Spike as he moves closer to the other guards.  
  
From the back, Jet helps the trapped bystanders make it out the door. He glances around the evaporating bar to see one of the bosses dive out the window and into a car as the first police car pulls up to the scene. The car explodes as soon as the boss turned the key and the two cops threw the charred boss to the ground, snuffing out the burning man.  
  
The spent clip from Spike's Jericho dropping to the floor echoes across the room as he replaces it with another. Faye peeks over the stage and sees most of the guards lying on the floor. She ducks back down and turns to Spike behind an overturned pool table.  
  
"Is that it?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Spike turns around and glances around the decimated room to see that nothing was left stand other than the lower part of the "L" shaped bar right in front of him. He turns back to see the barrel of Faye's Glock starring back at him. She pulls the trigger and Spike crashes to the floor. He quickly sits up and points his gun at her.  
  
"What the hell were you doing?"  
  
"Saving your sorry ass."  
  
He then spins around as one of the guards plops down on the floor besides him. The two remaining guards quickly shove the bosses out the other door.  
  
"They're getting away!" Jet yells.  
  
Spike drops his gun and throws a grenade over the bar.  
  
"You idiot," Faye screams, "the alco…"  
  
Well the DA was pumping my left hand  
  
And she was holding my right  
  
Well I told her don't get scared  
  
'Cos you're going to be spared  
  
Back on the Bebop, Ed turns on the T.V. and watches as the local news crew reports from outside the bar. Ein scrambles up on the couch besides her and watches while Ed starts singing.  
  
"Beauty queen, bebop team, vaseline, camera scream, Super Ein is ready to take flight."  
  
Ed jumps off the couch and starts running around the couch with her hands out in front of her. Ein just sits there and watches her. He barks a few times, causing Ed to stop dead in her tracks.  
  
The news lady glides over to one of the officers when the bar explodes, lighting the scene like the noonday sun. The police and camera crew scrambled for cover, leaving the camera on the tripod. Both Ed and Ein lean in closer to the screen when the bar explodes again.  
  
"Oooooooohhhh…"  
  
A charbroiled Jet hobbles away from a waiting ambulance and up to a trench- coat wearing detective. Just behind him, the other police officers just start to clap their hands together. Stopping for a moment, Jet looks down begins to massage his forehead.  
  
"Well Mr. Black," The detective sighs, "You really got them."  
  
"You can say that."  
  
"And here is your bounty."  
  
The detective takes out a thick bundle of woolongs from his coat pocket and flips through each woolong.  
  
"800,000 woolongs," the detective coos, "just enough to pay for the damages that you guys have caused to this city."  
  
The detective stuffs the bundle back into his pocket and walks away as the other officers get back into their cars. The detective waves at Black before climbing into his own car.  
  
"We might even have enough leftover for some café lattes later," the detective shouts.  
  
Well I'm gonna be forgiven  
  
If I wanna spend my living  
  
With a long cool woman in a black dress  
  
Just a 5-9 beautiful tall  
  
With just one look I was a bad mess  
  
3 'Cos that long cool woman had it all  
  
Jet wobbles back to the ambulance and throws open the doors. Spike and Faye are sitting inside on the stretcher, bound up in medical gauze from head to toe. Both screaming muffled obscenities as they swing their petrified arms at each other. The two then stop and strain their eyes to look at Jet as soon as he barks.  
  
"Humph?" both murmur.  
  
Jet stares at the two for a few minutes before shaking his head in utter disgust. He then slams the door shut and limps back to the Bebop. Muttering something as he makes his way through the maze of barricades.  
  
"Those guys aren't worth it," Jet grumbles, "I wonder if there are any bell peppers left." 


End file.
